Missing Jimmy

What set me off, this time, was seeing an article about how China had set up designated protest areas and asked demonstrators to apply for permits. Then, big surprise, they just went and arrested everyone who applied.

Hello? What did you expect? Totalitarian regimes do bad things to people who talk back. It's one of their defining characteristics. This is the same regime that was doing summary executions of potential trouble makers to make sure people knew they meant business a few weeks before the games began.

I was ranting about how pissed off I am that the IOC let the Olympics continue in China despite China being run by totalitarian thugs.

Didn't they learn anything from hosting in Moscow? I asked. Of course back then, over sixty countries including America, in fact led by America, boycotted the games. As well we should have boycotted these games. But as awful a President as Jimmy Carter was, he actually seemed to believe in something on top of the notion that he needed to be in charge.

And of course, our present so-called leader has never given anyone the impression he gives a flying fuck about human rights, so I guess it'd be unrealistic of me to expect him to boycott the Olympics on account of China's egregious human rights record. A lot of America's own problems on that front stem directly from this White House. No, he's not as bad as the Communist regime in China, but W. has way too similar a view of civil liberties.

But anyway, I was asked (this was by my Dad, the victim of this most recent rant of mine), what was wrong with Jimmy Carter?

Well, besides his general tax-and-spend liberal mindset? Besides his bungling of the Iran hostage crisis? Besides the fact that if he wasn't the sort of President the Soviets knew they didn't have to fear militarily if they invaded Afghanistan?

The Department of Energy and the Department of Education. Both created by Carter.

The Department of Education has done about as much for the cause of education as the Taliban. And the Department of Energy has done far, far worse. I have the gas station receipts to prove it. These were both impossibly bad ideas and Carter deserved to be tossed out of office for just these two offenses.

Still, as many things as he fucked up, Jimmy Carter didn't invade countries on false pretense and then make plans to be there forever. And he didn't pretend he was doing us a favor by tapping our phones or violating the Geneva Conventions like a two-dollar crack whore.

I saw another, unrelated Olympics article in the same paper, about Phelps and his run of the gold medals. It mentioned a Presidential congratulations call, which I suppose is par for the course. And besides the fact that Michael Phelps probably doesn't share my views, he's way too much of a class act to do what I fantasized.

In my fantasy, I guess it's Freaky Friday time and I'm in Phelps' body when the President's call comes. And in addition to being in the body of the greatest swimmer ever, I'm not a complete pussy.

So I say, 'Well, Mr. President, I'm really glad for the opportunity to come collect all this jewelry. If you weren't such a complete and total asshole, you'd have boycotted these games and I'd be stuck at home thinking what might have been. As it is, I'm glad I could be here showing the world an American doing something positive for a change, and even able to speak clear English. Unlike you and your degenerate, war criminal Daddy.'