The Hyperbole Tour

Okay, at World's of Fun the overhead at the Patriot refers to it as something like the 'longest continuous circuit inverted roller coaster in the region.'

Does that sound vague to you? Like maybe there's a ride just like it but longer that isn't somehow 'continuous' in whatever you want to call the 'region?'

The Mamba is described as one of the tallest, fastest and longest roller coasters in the world.

Top five? Top Ten?

Not according to Coaster Grotto. Top 25 steel coasters is about the best I could find them saying of it.

And hey, Worlds of Fun is a well-run and well-designed park. I'd go back. I'd maybe even buy season passports. And I don't expect them to say 'We're number 23!' in their marketing material.

For that matter, the whole consumerist 'maybe there's something better' notion can be a recipe for unhappiness. My day at Worlds of Fun with my daughters yesterday is, without a doubt, one of the best days of my life. But for three coaster junkies, what else is out there?

Kingda Ka, for a start. What better reason could I find to visit New Jersey? I doubt Princeton is going to reconsider me, so Kingda Ka is probably it. When you scream on a 75 mph coaster, your mouth goes dry before you get a sound out. At 128 mph? I want to know.

210 feet is high. That's the apex of the Mamba. Compared to 458 for Kingda Ka? The Mamba does come in tenth on the length list, but having ridden it a few times I'd like to know its betters.


What I want, really, is a book deal. Pay my way to take my honyocks all over America in search of the best theme park and the best thrill ride. I'll write it up.

And what a vacation that would be. Even without the book deal fantasy, imagine going form theme park to theme park for a week or two?