Immersion

As long as I can remember, I've loved seeing a movie in the theater. The immersion is a lot of it. With the monstrous screen and the great sound system, the film engulfs you the way it doesn't on a 19" TV (mine might be a 21", not really sure).

I know home theater can be great, and I actually have the sound system for it, albeit without a way to set it up in the living room (Mo would inflict her own private brand of mayhem on the components). So the hi fi stays locked in the den. Plus, if I was really going to go for the home theater thing, I'd have to go spend a few bucks for a decent sized screen. And those have gotten cheaper, I see massive screens at Wal-Mart for under a grand, but it's still a lot of money I don't have.

On top of that, I hear those flat screens are easily damaged, and as I say, there are some issues with Mo and the mortality rate of consumer electronics. Apple slices inserted in a VCR will ruin it; a cell phone will not work after it's been in a pitcher of orange juice; you'll never quite get a microwave clean after three lonely french fries have spent 45 minutes on high.

Anyway, I'd gotten out of the habit of going. Back in the day, I saw almost every release first run, but I had a gig writing movie reviews, and while I wasn't paid for my reviews, I didn't have to pay for my tickets. If I didn't get an advance screening pass, I got reimbursed for my ticket at least.

Then came children and the accompanying poverty. The theater was simply too expensive. Plus, when the kids were young-young, we'd have had to find babysitting on top of the ticket price. And even if we brought the honyocks, our choices were limited to whatever was suitable for wee ones.

So I went years without going to the theater. Maybe once a year. Monsters Inc., I know I saw that first-run. And one or two other animated features. The LOTR movies, I thought of those as my annual movie for those three years.

It's still expensive, but I've found out there's something that borders on a bargain: Monday through Thursday, the AMC is $5 for all shows. That's pushing it, but doable. I can't quite avoid the concession stand, but I have learned that if I save my cup, the refills on those large sodas are virtually unlimited. I think technically they're only supposed to refill it once, but I've rinsed out the cup when I got home from the past three movies I've seen, and they don't bat an eye when I bring it back in and ask for a refill. So far, my $4.75 has kept me in Diet Coke through The Incredible Hulk, The Happening and The Strangers. I guess I'll have to buy a new soda when they change cup designs (the current one bears Hulk art).

Even at $5 a seat, I doubt I'll see three movies inside a week again. It adds up. But as long as they run a deal this good, I'm definitely going more than once a year.

So allow me to slip on my old Movie Critic hat for a moment. I'm not going to bother with full write-ups or anything like that. Just a bit of helping you caveat your emptor if you're headed to the shows.

The Incredible Hulk is about what I expected: fun, fast-paced, comic book stuff. It's a good fantasy, well executed. I want to dip Liv Tyler in butter and eat her all day long. They should do a sequel tying in the Hulk with Fight Club: let Tyler Durden face off with Hulk.

The Happening is the worst movie I've seen since the first Kill Bill. In fact, it's worse than Kill Bill, it's on a par with Congo. Stereotypical characters, impossibly bad writing, stiff, wooden acting, a half-baked plot that goes something like Stephen King's Cell with trees (or something) taking the place of the cell phone pulse. Characters in panic situations who wait for instructions and even then seem to suddenly remember they're supposed to be frightened. I've got a five horsepower shop vac that doesn't suck as hard as The Happening.



Now before you say I should have known it would be stupid: this celluloid abortion was directed by M. Night Shyamalan, the guy who wrote and directed Sixth Sense. I don't know how it's possible someone who made a movie that clever and well executed could make a movie this pitiful.

Finally, The Strangers, which I feared would be stupid (I was ready to demand a readmit pass if the first two or three scenes were as stupid as the ones in The Happening). I'll admit it, my thing for Liv Tyler is what tipped the balance for me to try it. At the same time, I feared that if the movie was truly awful, it would taint our little love affair.*

The Strangers is a stupid movie in its way, but it's a good kind of stupid. It's formula horror, I suppose, but well done. Lots of jump-out-of-your-skin startles, just enough originality to get by. Reminded me of the Amityville Horror remake that way. You jump, then laugh at yourself for jumping. It's not going to win any Oscars, but it's entertaining.

I'd all but forgotten how great an escape the theater can be. When I go to a movie a year, I heap huge pressure on that movie to be great. Sometimes (LOTR) it is, but sometimes (Shop Girl) sorry, dude. I think maybe going a little more often shifts that expectation down. Not to the level of The Happening, there's no excuse for that, but to the level that all the film has to be is entertaining, shown on a screen and at a volume that overwhelms the outside world, in a room that's got the AC set where I'd set my home thermostat if I could.

I'm pretty sure cranking the AC down to 70º would cost me more than $5 here and there.

*No, I'm not stalking Liv Tyler. I'm stalking Maria Sharapova, but that's another story.