Recumbent Dreams

You know that freak who is the only guy in your town who rides a recumbent bike? What a weirdo.

I want to be that nerd. It's not just my addiction to the Purple Cow, it's also that I'm prone to low back pain when I cycle. Which is not, I'm sure weird at all. If logic ruled the world, recumbent bikes would be the norm.

Of course if logic ruled the world, we'd elect Libertarians to the Presidency, school vouchers would be the norm and George Bush would be hanged by the same system that hanged Saddam Hussein.

For that matter, if logic ruled the world, 'by the maker of Sixth Sense' would be a guarantee that no movie could be as bad as The Happening.

The first bike shop I went to in hopes of acquiring such a machine was a disaster. The bike shop owner not only did not carry recumbent bikes, but told me I was a moron if I thought I wanted one. When I asked him what he'd suggest for someone with a low back pain issue, he pointed me to an inexpensive comfort bike which was, in all fairness, a decent ride. I test-rode it in the back lot, but I resent being told I don't want what I want and his arrogance was absolute. He also refuses to accept that a tandem bike could be anything but a conspiracy against him.

I went back to work and said something to a coworker about this bike shop. She told me, everyone knows he's an asshole, don't know how he even stays in business.

Still, recumbents are expensive. Get one for a grand it you got off cheap. Do I have a grand for a bike? Nope.



But I talked to my bro, who's into bikes like I'm into hombrewing, jazz and rockets. And he said if I had talked myself into spending bike shop dough (which I haven't, at least not yet) then I'm really shopping for a bike shop. Which made sense, and I knew which bike shop was not going to be it.

So and and Mo checked out Bike America.

I've been thinking, my work is too far to really do the bicycle commute thing, but if I had a bike and a rack on my car, I could drive part of the way and ride the rest. That way I cold start with a short distance and progressively cycle more of my commute. I'd save some on gas and maybe work off a bunch of the excess third of me.

My Dad's comment was that communing on a cycle was dangerous, but my response to that is that me being 300 lbs is dangerous.

Anyway, the guy at Bike America was very helpful. When I told him of my scheme, he started by showing me the commuter bike he'd recommend. It had a rigid frame because he tells me you lose energy to shocks. Skinny tires to go fast, but a sturdy set of rims and a spoke pattern that shouldn't balk at my girth. Handlebars designed to hold the lights and gadgets I'll need if I'm commuting. Disc brakes because rim brakes are less effective when they get wet, and commuters get wet. A cassette axle to distribute the stress of my weight to one set of bearings while another set takes the stress of the chain.



But when I ask about the price: $869, which means I'd have to ride about 6500 replacement miles before I break even on gas savings. Of course, the health benefits of the exercise would be of value, but that's something like twice what I thought was outrageously expensive.

If I was going to spend that much, I'd get a recumbent.

Not because that's recumbent money, it isn't. They start at $1100, and the one I test-rode was $1500.

But when I rode it across the parking lot, the impulse was to just keep going. Take my car, I'll drive this.

But when the salesman tried to tell me I'd save the price of the bike in a year of using it to shop for groceries, math took over.

Worst case gas mileage for my car: short trip, in town driving, five miles round trip. At $4 a gallon, we're taking a buck per round trip.

There is no way I'm going grocery shopping 1500 times in a year to 'pay for' my recumbent bike.



So I want it, but it's not something I can afford. Add $500 for a rack that would secure it adequately and stow the bike in-tact for minimum hang-time on this commuting scheme, and we're into two grand. They'd throw in a helmet if I'd spend that much.

What a break. A $40 helmet and all I have to do is pop for half what my car cost.

Even a cheap bike, I'd be lucky to pay for it in a year with gas savings. So the main reason to buying a bike would be fitness, not frugality. And as even my bike-fanatic bro points out, I could do a lot of gym membership for $2000, and it would be warm in winter and dry in the rain.

Which gets to the crux of it. The bike saleskid pointed out that they'd gleefully finance me on a recumbent bike or a crazy-expensive commuter bike. Meaning I could inflate that price by probably double or more with interest by the time I could pay it off.

Dave Ramsey would have me save up for the bike, but the realistic chances of me saving that kind of dough in a year or two is borderline on impossible. Which is no doubt an indication that borrowing that kind of money on a 'same as cash' basis or otherwise is beyond stupid.

And realistically, knowing my proclivities, there's a real chance if I popped for such a bike that once the novelty of being that recumbent bike freak wore off, it would collect dust in the garage like my last bike did, adding guilt on top of bone-crushing debt or a painful hit to my potential retirement date.

Granted, I need to live to retirement age for that smallish retirement fund to matter, but that doesn't mean I need two grand worth of bike stuff. As my bro pointed out, I could get a whole lot of gym membership for that kind of money, and it doesn't rain and snow in a gym.



But at least I found a bike shop I would do business with. Extremely helpful, informative, the dude was even comfortable with Mo hanging with him while I took my little trial laps. He explained he has a sister with Fragile X, and I guess since that presents like autism he felt like this was just another day at the office. Well, that, and I'm sure he gets a commission when he gets someone to pull the trigger on a $1500 bike.

And I wouldn't say Mo loved the bike shop, but she had fun squeezing the handlebar covers and trying to figure out the unicycles. I wouldn't have been surprised if she got the thing up and wheeled around the shop. She's got wicked good balance and seemed to have the general idea. Plus, she doesn't know riding a unicycle is impossible.



Okay, it might have surprised me a bit, because dude, unicycles are about as possible as unicorns.