Being a big guy, I was one of those people who scoffed at Smart cars at first glance. Before they were showing up on American streets, I listened to the audiobook of Dan Brown's tedious hit novel and had to know what this 'Smart Car' of Sophie's was. So I Googled it.
I'll say this: having his protagonists run from the law in such a vehicle is an exceptionally good idea for Dan Brown. If anything else in his book was half that funny and original, it'd have been a worthy read.
But I came out of a doctor's appointment this afternoon and passed by one up close and on foot. And something grabbed me a little bit. It's such a weird vehicle, and I'm all about oddball rides. Okay, oddball pretty much anythings.
So I headed to Aristocrat because I remember seeing the Smart sign go up there. For those of you who don't live in the area, this is the dealership you go to if you have a hankering for expensive wheels. Mercedes, Jaguar, Land Rover, Saab, etc. Without the Smart cars, there's probably nothing on the lot under $30,000. It's not a place I'd expect to feel comfortable at: it's a place I'd expect to feel watched.
So after parking next to a sexy beast of a red Mercedes (and I'm not a car person really, but it was a gorgeous vehicle) I found my way to what appeared to be not a showroom but an internet cafe. The contrast with the dimly lit Mercedes showroom I went through to get to it was striking.
I was also surprised looking at the sticker on this red monster. $34,000. A lot of money, to be sure, but half what I'd have guessed looking at it and knowing it's a Daimler. If I had the kind of dough to buy such a vehicle and to not care that it gets appalling gas mileage, maybe.
I found something even rarer than a new car I could muster excitement for: a car salesman who's not a creep. I've only encountered one other such person, and I'm doubting it's a coincidence that in both cases the salesman lacked a Y chromosome.
Car salesmen seem to think if they cajole me enough I'll buy practically anything. Gertrude*, on the other hand, just engaged me in a conversation about the cars. I wondered if I'd fit in the thing to begin with and she told me to find out for myself. It's a very easy car to get in and out of even at 6'4" and 300 lbs. Of course it's a two seater, and I have two kiddos, so I inquired about the ForFour version to learn that, alas, they made it for awhile but no longer.
And then of course I mentioned safety. I drive the craziest traffic this little berg has to offer in rush hour every day, and you always hear that your chance of dying goes up as your car goes down in size. A Smart Car would only make sense as a second car to commute in since it's short a seat for my family outings, and getting run over by a Suburban and killed would put a damper on the fun.
Gertrude explained that the rigid steel frame around the cockpit actually keeps the driver quite safe and that despite it's small footprint, it's actually taller than some of the big sedans in the adjacent showrooms, so far less invisible than you might think.
It's got a cute little three cylinder in-line one-liter motor. There are motorcycles with more engine than this. And speaking of motorcycles, since I've always wanted one of those, I can't imagine why I'd think a small car would be too dangerous if I'd be willing to go out on the road with two wheels, no seatbelt and no walls.
The AC is electric, so running the AC doesn't damage your gas mileage. This is such a sensible thing, I can't imagine why more cars don't work this way. Your alternator generates all this excess charge beyond what's needed to keep your battery starting the car, why not harness that juice to run the AC's compressor?
So I'd get roughly 25% better mileage in this car than in my Accord. Given that I now feel lucky when a fill-up is under $50, a second car for the commute is definitely interesting. I doubt I'd save enough on gas to pay for the vehicle, but it'd help. Plus, it's a suitably bizarre mode of transport. Since Toyota took my former dream car, the Scion XB and changed everything that made me love it (rounded it off and put a bigger, less efficient motor in it, It ruins it! Stupid Hobbitses!), maybe I'm vulnerable just for the funk factor.
So I took a test drive. The semi-automatic transmission takes some getting used to. You can manipulate the clutch but you do it by letting up on the gas pedal. Gertrude could do it seamlessly, but I didn't really get the hang of it.
One drawback, and it's kind of something you'd have to expect with such a small motor: it takes a long time to get up to 70 mph on the highway.
On the other hand, the car feels surprisingly solid and handles nimbly. It feels a lot less like a golf cart than I expected, and I certainly didn't feel menaced, at least not more than usual, by the big SUVs and pickups on the road.
Another bonus is the price. Basing under $12,000, it's about as cheap as new cars come. I know, it's only half of a car, blah blah, but it would make a nice secondary commuter vehicle.
If I was ready to pull the trigger, though, it'd be time for a $99 deposit and a 12-14 month wait. And I'd have two cars to insure and all that. The Mini Cooper comes in a club wagon that seats four, but of course that's half again as much dough, meaning even less realistic a vehicle to crush on.
*Gertrude is not her real name. I started to publish this post with her real first name, then got to wondering if she'd be down with that. Out of respect for her privacy, I've given her a fairly horrifying pseudonym (though I'm sure I could come up with worse). Maybe unnecessarily since she seemed fine with my taking her picture for my blog. If you really want to buy a Smart car, don't ask for Gertrude, just look for the person who matches the picture. She's a genuinely neat human being.
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