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Sunday, November 01, 2009


The timing of my junket to Chicago, I didn't have much time to get our costumes together when I got back. I thought the artist formerly known as Frau Lobster might line up costumes for the girls, but she thought I wasn't taking them trick-or-treating because of something I said last year that Em zoomed in on and wouldn't get go of no matter how many times in the past few months I told her I'd keep taking her as long as she wasn't too old to be seen with me escorting her.

We started out Wednesday at Dottie Mae's, a great store but most of their stuff is too pricey for this Lobster. It's more a costume shop for people who haven't had kids yet, or who's kids are already grown. They do have everything. Including a pretty good selection of Hawaiian shirts, I might duck in there sometime just to browse those, not for costume use but for every day.

So then we went to US Toy, which was the ticket. Got a great Jester costume for Mo, $7.50 minus 25% because all costumes were on sale. Got her a rubber chicken to go with it, got Em her pink wig for her 'Sweet Oblivion' costume, and got most of mine, an elephant trunk, beer goggles, an arrow through the head.

The rest of my costume came from Sally. Manic Panic Ultra Violet hair dye. I was afraid to use the temporary stuff because I had a past experience with it coming off on my clothing. Wouldn't stay on my hair, wouldn't come off the shirt I wore.

If the plan was to make this a permanent change, I would have bleached the hair first. If you bleach it white like the Diners Drive-Ins and Dives guy, you get better and more consistent color. I was assured since I'm blond & gray, I'd be fine, but I don't think the chick knew I meant to do the beard, which isn't so blond and gray for the most part.

I don't know as I'd keep the Mohawk, though maybe, but I'd definitely do the purple goatee if I thought it'd fly at work. I'd do the peroxide first, do it right, so it's not so uneven, but I'd do it.

It wouldn't fly, though. Which is a shame. And damned sexist in my opinion. I don't think I know more than two women who could confidently tell you what their natural color is, and I have to shave this shit off because it might frighten the natives?

I know, it's not like I dyed my beard brunette, but still, I think I'd look killer with a bright purple goatee. Or maybe green. Orange. Maybe even Cotton Candy Pink.

Anyway, it was to take the kids trick-or-treating, and probably not all that inherently necessary to the costume. I had my beer goggles, I had my trunk, I was a party animal right there. I gave my arrow through the head to Em's friend who came along who didn't otherwise have a costume other than Begging Teenager Who Doesn't Really Get Halloween. She tried to tell me that in her country they don't wear masks, but in her country that also don't have Halloween. Not to be the ugly American, but I was like, Tell you what, when I'm there I'll do whatever the local custom is. But here, asking for candy with a mask on is trick-or-treating, and asking in street clothes is begging. And it freaks people out, especially when the one begging looks old enough to drive.

We were also incredibly tardy looking for pumpkins. Almost 5:00 on Halloween is a record even for me, but the Pumpkin Patch fixed us up and we had time to do some half-assed carving and get the things lit up on the porch.

Between picking Em's friend up and trick-or-treating ourselves, we apparently missed the rush. Two years ago, craptastic weather left me with a bunch of leftover candy, mostly Mary Janes which I hate and ended up throwing most of out.

Last year, we ran out of candy while there were still so many that even turning the light off didn't keep the doorbell from ringing. So I bought a ton of candy that me and the honyocks like and when we got back from trick-or-treating ourselves at eight-ish, we had about five callers before we shut down shop at 9:00.

So now I have a metric ton of candy I like, not the recipe for weight loss going into the holidays that I might hope for...

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