Okay, it's been almost a year since the air went out on the mobile tragedy that is my car.
Hey, it's paid for and it's got a very respectable stereo. And I can leave the key in the ignition for months without it being stolen. I actually did this last summer during a period when I couldn't get the damn key out of the ignition. I don't worry too much about locking up my stuff (which is handy since not all the door locks still work), just cover up anything like cell phones or cameras that someone might boost on impulse. Who is going to rummage in a heap like this hoping to find pawnable consumer electronics? At a glance, any drug addict could see that this car is owned by someone possibly even worse off than a drug addict who's been reduced to car burglary to feed the habit.
The friendly folks at the Toyota dealership were perfectly willing to put me behind the wheel of my dream car. Well, given some issues with my credit, it wasn't impossible, but it wasn't like I was going to get zero percent financing. I was a few months into a divorce, well into the sub-prime strata of credit ratings, a place I'm still at despite a much better track record of paying my bills on time since the schism. The payment, plus insurance and taxes were going to be over half what my mortgage payment is.
And when I got kicked to the curb with no severance and no unemployment on false pretenses five days before Christmas, well I was glad I didn't have that monkey of a payment on my back.
For any of you who think divorce ever solves anything, ponder this: if my ex and I could have worked together, like people actually playing on the same side in the game of personal finance, what I'm paying in child support could have floated two car payments, and on pretty decent cars. Kind of like how my refusal to do my share of the housework led to my being responsible for all the housework. What am I going to do? Wait for the blow-up sex doll to mop the floor?*
Anyway, the thing is, I'm still driving this POS sans AC. But while I found it turned out to be doable to tough out a two mile commute across my little berg, I now travel about thirty miles to kill the mammoth and drag it thirty miles back to my cave.
Here's the dilemma: if it's over 80º, it's impossible to keep the windows up. If I roll the windows down, the Interstate is louder than an artillery attack on a Tool concert. It's physically painful on the eardrums, and mine aren't exactly pristine after a youth spent in garage bands and 22 piece big bands.
I bought some earplugs, but besides the fact that those mean writing off listening to the radio, one of the few things that make a 40 to 70 minute drive tolerable, Mo ate my earplugs. The texture, it seems, is irresistible, and while I can successfully hide a digital camera on the front seat of my car, she immediately found all three of my clever places to hide earplugs.
So what to do? There are car lots that will put me behind the wheel of a car, but if I thought the interest rates Toyota was offering me last year were usurious, well, I probably ain't seen usury yet. And really, my budget is a negative integer already. Add child support, mortgage, an average month of utilities, groceries and gas to get to work and you've exceeded my take home pay. And that's not counting things like car insurance, stuff like brake jobs and whatnot.
But there is a resource I haven't tapped. My 401k from my last job. I know, I know.
I don't believe in raiding 401 money. Those who know me can attest that I have less faith in government than the average bear, so it's not like I expect to get Social Security. I'm not even sure I expect there to be a United States of America when I retire at the rate things are going. And it took a decade of hard work to save that money, and what's there is what's left after I had to divvy up in the divorce settlement.
I also don't believe in paying taxes, and if I use that money to buy a car, I'll pay Uncle Sam a hefty bonus. 10% in penalty, but the other thing is the total I withdraw will count as income on this year, which could push me into the next tax bracket, meaning I owe a larger percentage of the money I earn this year not counting the 401 raid.
And it's not like I'd be cruising in my dream XB after all this. What I'd have left after taxes and penalties would get me a decent used car, something relatively fuel efficient and reliable. And with air conditioning. Maybe even something made in this century.
I dunno. It might leave me nothing to retire on, but I'm seriously doubting I can last a summer of this commute in the duct-tape-mobile.
*No, I don't have a blow-up sex doll, but you get the idea.
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