I sleep on an air mattress. Not a Sleep Number bed, but an inflatable camping mattress. This is something that's been going maybe three or four years.
This all started when the soft-side waterbed I used to share with the artist formerly known as Frau Lobster developed the nasties. The little tubes in it leaked and when we discovered this, it was just a foam case of mold. I'm not a squeamish guy, but I almost vomited when I realized what we'd been sleeping on, my gorge actually rose.
We were broke, so as a temporary fix, we put a camping mattress on the box from the soft-side. Nothing wrong with the box set, though being made to hold the weight of a waterbed, I suppose it's overkill holding up an air mattress.
After maybe a month, the cheap inflatable ruptured. Of course, it had been the cheapest one we could find, so we bought a little bit more expensive one and hoped. Keep in mind, neither I nor my ex are what you'd call sveldt, and our combined weight was in the same zip code as 500 lbs.
By the third mattress, we specifically bought one rated to hold 600 lbs. Room to grow even for us.
Once it was just me, occasionally me and a daughter having a rough night, the lifespan of these things grew substantially. See also when Calypso went to Kitty Heaven: the poor cat couldn't retract her claws or jump very high, so when she'd get on the bed, it probably came close to puncturing it every time. I put eggshell foam under the sheets to protect the mattress, but the fact she was too aloof to sleep with a person probably did more for the longevity of the bedding.
At this point, I believe I've tried a fair sampling of the market: I've slept on Ozark Trails, Serta, Simmons, Coleman, etc. As cheap as $40 and as pricey as $150. I've patched leaks and had leaks that wouldn't seem to take a patch, but mostly I've had leaks that cannot be found without my own private swimming pool to submerge the thing and see where the bubbles are coming from.
So this last one, it was the best Ozark Trails had to offer, and it lasted less than six months. I don't know why I don't have the receipt and warranty paperwork (okay, I do, it's called 'slow learner').
Researching a replacement, I found a Coleman that said it was suitable as a permanent bed. There's a Coleman outlet near my home, but they weren't open and the old mattress wasn't keeping me off the box more than about two hours, so I was a tad desperate. I thought Bass Pro would be the place to go to find a complete line of Coleman, so that's where I went.
They didn't have the bed I saw online, but they had an $80 queen that looked pretty stout. So I got it, assured they have a 30 day return window. I kept the receipt, at least.
I also resisted buying this dorky hat. I really want one. Actually, what I want is a Russian ranger hat, same thing but fur all over instead of nylon and fur. You can hate me for wearing fur if I ever pop the $50 for the ridiculous hat I want, but I don't think rabbits are endangered. So, please, don't spit on me, I'm just trying to keep my bald head warm.
I should have bought the hat and left the air mattress in the store. On inflating it, noting the bowed out sides and how easily an edge collapses, I was like, this is worse than the cheapest model I ever remember buying. Even if it wasn't going to develop a leak by the third night of use, it was just substandard.
So i headed to Mattress City this afternoon. I was half resigned to popping for a real mattress. But I had no idea how expensive such things were. Their bare bones, clearance house brand stuff was about where I figured top of the line conventional mattresses would be priced.
And they only get absurd from there. I know, a third of your life is spent on it and all, but a $3000 mattress???
I'm trying one last air mattress. Bed Bath & Beyond had an Aerobed on clearance. It has a three year warranty, and I'm keeping the paperwork and holding them to it, dammit.
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And if it drops me next month, I'm either sleeping on the floor or paying usurious interest rates on a real bed.
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