Crack House

I have, basically, a standing Monday appointment at the crack house.

I've had assorted back pain issues as long as I can remember. Junior high, I can remember having discomfort and pressure that just nagged me until one day I found just the right twist and my back popped, and I felt good for the first time in months.

In high school, I had a mate who would bounce me on his gut. Given that I was almost 6'4" and well over 200 lbs, you can imagine what a great mate this is to have. Not just anyone can toss me around like a rag doll. My spine would snap and crackle like the Rice Cripsies gang, and I would feel right with the universe.

But I resisted chiropractic. When I was a kid, we had a neighbor who was a chiropractor who wouldn't vaccinate his kids because all you need to prevent small pox and so forth is a well adjusted spine. An extreme example, to be sure.

Plus, I used to have insurance that didn't really cover it. I could go to an osteopath, but everyone I know who's gone that route walks like Frankenstein from having things fused together, plus they're invariably addicted to painkillers even after the surgery.

Still, my back would get painful enough and I'd shell out $35 for an adjustment. And one quack, he tried to show me how my spine was responsible for the heart attack. Not exactly something to inspire confidence.

My current chiropractor has several marvelous virtues: he's covered by my insurance, includes some massage therapy and even occasional ultrasound, and is considerably less crazy than I've come to expect members of his profession to be.

He doesn't even get pissed off when I tell him that, honestly, the massage part does more good than the adjustment.

Thing is, I only started going regularly when I got so out of whack I could hardly walk. Or sit. Or stand.

And it's worked. He had me coming several times a week for a few months, which I was skeptical of. I mean, I'd say you need lots of graphic design work, whatever it is you do. You need me to develop letterhead, business cards, envelopes, return envelopes, signs, vehicle wraps...

And I'd give you good stuff as far as those graphic designs go, your money's worth and more, but you won't believe you need it because I tell you so. Because your needing it puts money in my back pocket.

But with insurance covering things, I decided to give it a chance. And I can do more than I used to without aggravating things. I don't get as sore from those heavy chores, lifting and bending operations, and I recover faster. My back doesn't seem to make the spectacular sounds it used to when I get on the adjustment table, but hey.

And I only go once a week now. And often, I don't have any pain when I get there, or nothing I'd complain about anyway.

Then, today, about midmorning, I got a dagger in my lower back. It was nothing I'd have noted a year ago, just an average day, but damn. Lancing, it was the sort of pain that made me suck in a breath, and moving in almost any direction would trigger it. Standing up, sitting down, and forget about bending over.

Luckily, it was crack house night. And I'm not all better, but I'm better. They did ultrasound on the problem spot, and when I got home I was able to mow and seed my yard.

But I couldn't figure what I'd done to aggravate my back so much. Then I remembered, that shoulder ride thing.

Guess I'm officially getting old.