I couldn't let the chocolate defeat me.
I changed two variables, so I'm not 100% sure that my disaster on Friday Night wasn't bad chocolate chips. I used Sam's Choice, which with most things is pretty safe. Their diet cola is the only generic soda that's even drinkable, and it's actually quite good, indistinguishable from Diet Coke.
So this time I popped the extra 8¢ to get Hershey's. But I also got milk chocolate chips this time, realizing that the semi-sweet would probably be too bitter for this application.
And instead of heating it on the stove first, I went straight to the microwave. 15 seconds, stir, 15 seconds, stir some more. It took about a minute of total microwave time, but I got good, runny chocolate.
I tried, initially, to dip them using an uncooked piece of spaghetti. I found I was out of toothpicks, and it seems like it would work. It doesn't. The spaghetti is too brittle and just breaks.
But I found that if I dropped them in the chocolate, turned them with a fork, lifted the out with a spoon they covered better than I would have thought. I dribbled the extra chocolate when I finished over the tops, partly to not waste the chocolate, partly because some of them looked more evenly coated than others. This way they all look lumpy and streaked, so I can claim it was intentional.
These are the bomb. Em and Mo seemed to agree, though Mo, true to form, would still rather just eat Oreos. One pack of Oreos, 8oz of cream cheese, two bags of Hershey's Milk Chocolate chips, and I bet you could fool a chocolatier that it's a chocolate truffle.
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