I'm coming back from mowing my Mom's lawn, and they're doing some road work. Signs for miles ahead tell you that the left two lanes will be closed, tell you from where and to where. As you get to the 'from where' point, there's a single file of cars in the right lane, moving slowly, fits and starts. So I got in line. And there's people whizzing past in the other two lanes because the signs precede the cones and the cones precede the actual construction work.
It's nothing I haven't seen before. And these people are not saving themselves much time. Three minutes, maybe four. They used to pass on the shoulders even after it got down to one lane but now they've put up 'DO NOT PASS' signs anchored with sandbags in the shoulders, so that's out. And what do those signs say? Uh, hello, all you assholes whizzing past the line of cars: you're not supposed to be passing!
What bothers me is not the time, it's the attitude. What these people are saying is that their time is more important than my time. Anyone's time. are the same assholes who fail to yield to emergency vehicles, who have car accidents because they're talking on the goddamn phone. These are the uncivilized dingleberries that don't pull over for a funeral procession. These are people who make me have ugly thoughts, fantasies about rocket belt-fed weapons and RPGs. I want to throw those chains of spikes the cops lay down in front of runaway cars and flatten all four tires for them, just to let them know what I think of their self-importance.
But since you can get shot at trying to do something about it, and since I know it's not healthy to rage, I try to get into my cave with my power animal in these situations. But when a professional trucker started moving up tot he left of me, I flipped him the bird and pointed to one of the 'DO NOT PASS' signs. He got in behind me, but others were still zipping past. So I flipped them off, and eventually the cones narrowed it to two lanes, and that's when I did something that's probably illegal.
I vaguely remember some news item about how they'd outlawed road rage. Well, passed a law threatening fines or jail or whatever, to 'aggressive' drivers. So this might or might not be self incrimination (for that matter, flipping someone the bird is technically assault, so I'm your man, Mannix).
I started zigzagging between the lane I was in and the lane people had plenty of time to have merged from. Like the NASCAR guys do when they're running under caution. I never understood why they did that, because I think passing under caution gets you penalized pretty bad in racing, so I assume they're keeping their tires hot for traction or they're just bored with turning left all day.
It turns out to be harder than it looks, doing a two lane slalom with enough arc to keep people from passing on the one side, or sliding up and taking your place on the other. It's kind of fun, though, and it scares people. Behind me, I could see people deciding not to wait until the last possible spot to merge. Then, to make sure they knew that I was doing this because I was pissed at their lack of couth, I drove as slow as I could once we were down to one lane. I had a mile of empty road in front of me, just put it in first and let the engine idle. Then, when I got to the exit where people would have the option of getting off the interstate (they probably could have made it up one ramp and down the other to pass me, I was going that slow), I dropped the hammer and cruised the posted 55 the reast of the way out.
Could I get a ticket for this behavior? Probably. What would gratify me immensely is if the cops would set up stings and write people up for passing where it was posed they couldn't, because fines are double in work zones. Pull them over in a way that slows all the traffic down so that the word gets out that your time better be really precious if you're going to be that rude.
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