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Friday, July 29, 2011

Trash Boat Regatta 2011

When Corinna started telling me to save my empty two-liter bottles for a trash boat it sounded fun, but I was hazy on the physics of it.

Sure, I drink a lot of soda. They were studying the long-term side effects of aspartame and, when they found out about me, they nominated me to be the canary. If I'm still alive, everyone else is safe.

At one point, we were discussing the debris we'd gathered with another possible entrant in the Trash Boat Regatta, and she said, 'Well, if you have a design...'

And I said, 'I don't have a design. I have a few hundred bottles.'

Owing to having to make a living, we didn't even end up competing with our own garbage, but we rode out to see the event.

Joel and Michelle, who are also the organizers of the event, were the only competitors this year.

I blame the flood. Normally the Regatta goes from Kaw Point to the Argosy on our local old grand river. But it's presently closed to recreational craft and I doubt a bunch of soda bottles held together by duct tape and bike tubes would pass for non-recreational.

So the boats were dragged up to Big Eleven Lake.

The race was declared a draw by the Dread Pirate Michelle. Her husband, who beat her by a wide margin, wisely* conceded it was a draw.

After, me and Melissa took turns on Michelle's boat, and I'll just have to build one next year. Too much fun even if I need one half again as wide to be stable enough to be comfortable.

Even with having to settle for a ride on Michelle's boat and no chance to win, the thing was too fun to ride.

I definitely have to build one for myself next year.

On my return I realized I'd committed a party foul by not putting a life jacket on. That's okay, I was told, the lake is posted no swimming or boating, and we'd done both without realizing it.

We learned our lesson, though: an old alcoholic fisherman told us not to jump in like Corinna because it was the only body of water in Kansas City that was 54% broken bottles.

Then there was the effects of being exposed to the water in a 'lake' marginally better-smelling than the turd ponds at the pumping station on Woodsweather.

Nothing life-threatening, but if I thought it was the newest dance craze to sweep the nation, I'd buy stock in Imodium.

*From what I hear, this marriage thing means she's the only woman he's allowed to sleep with, so if she says it's draw, it's a draw.

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