Enhanced Shopping

I wasn't briefed on this, just so you know. But Em has a field trip tomorrow, swimming is involved, and she has outgrown last year's suit. Well, the upper half of it, anyway.

So to the Wal-Mart, and between her being 13 and a little high strung, and the fashions being what they are, I heard 'It's not fair' about 70 times. She literally tried on nine or ten suits, trying to find a single piece that fits because she'll go to a camp this summer that prohibits two-piecers, and giving up on that and just trying to find a bikini she could stand that wasn't totally immodest and wasn't the most expensive suit in the store.

I've been on 32 hour weeks for over three months, money isn't just tight, even non-money (credit cards) are tight. I haven't paid this month's child support yet because I'm still a bit shy of the total, so sorry, but yes there is a big difference between a $15 suit and a $25 suit. Ten more bucks I don't have to begin with.

Em had found a suit she liked, one that covered a bit more (a brief bottom instead of a string job). It featured hearts and barbed wire and 'LOVE' on one of the boob triangles.



I saw the $12.50 price tag and thought that was for the whole thing, but no, that was the price for each half of it. 'Not fair,' Em said as I hung it back up. Not fair? Not fair is marketing bikinis to children and stocking only a handful of one-piece suits that don't fit anybody .

And as she offered up some of her choices (every suggestion I made was met with the big news that whatever it was could not be more horrible if I wore it) I said, Look, I've been thirteen. Thirteen year old boys don't want anything as much as they want thirteen year old girls. They're going to ogle you even if you wear a gunny-sack, so do you want to wear a swimsuit on a field trip that encourages long gazes and wandering minds?

'How about this?'

It's perfect if you want boys to stare at your boobs?

'You're not making this easier!'

We were not alone. One of her classmates was trying on at the same time as Em, and talking to her mother, she was appalled at what was on the rack. Her daughter called her over to see one of the suits she'd tried on and the Mom returned saying, 'That one's a no.'



The artist formerly known as Frau Lobster was at Wal-Mart before we were done. Tears were shed. Em came close a couple of times to having to leave the store with no suit and just not swim tomorrow because there's a limit to how much shit I will take from a 13 year old I'm trying to help.

It doesn't help that, because of her age, Em can't decide between hating the stalker behavior of her male peers and loving the attention.

We got to the Stuff-Mart around 6:00, didn't get to the checkout until 7:45. I don't know what we'll do for a one-piece suit for church camp, but I guess we have tomorrow covered.

Want to get a terrorist to talk? Just tell him his other option is to buy a swimsuit for my daughter. Call it enhanced shopping, and he'll tell you who really killed JFK and how they faked the moon landings.