Mall Tour

We haven't been back to Jeepers since it closed and reopened as Zonkers, but we pass by it when we do the Restored to Greatness Mall, and Mo had to worship. She lay at the monkey's feet and giggled.



They also seem to dig these rather expensive carved wood figures. For what these guys cost, I'm pretty sure I could get real live Mexicans to stand around my house if I'm willing to overlook certain legalities.

One good mall deserves another, right?

Actually, the plan was to hit the Liberty Memorial, the grotesque concrete phallus sticking out of Penn Valley Park. It has a museum, though I had no idea whether it would be open. I figured if nothing else they could run around the joint, it's a pretty large park.

On the way I thought of the stereotype of the Liberty Memorial as a gay pickup scene. But, as far as I know, if you're shopping for a promiscuous boy toy, you go at night.

We get there, and the place is fenced off with a huge crowd of people. Looked like the good old days of the Blues and Jazz Festival (rest in peace). I asked a guy directing parking what was going on.

"Pride," he said.

"I didn't know there was an event this weekend," I said.

"It's Pride, this weekend. Until ten tonight. You can park over there or over there."

He didn't specify what kind of pride, though he said it with a clear capitalization. I briefly struggled with the urge to play Andy Griffith bumpkin and see how much work it would be to get the guy to say 'gay.' I mean, really, we were listening to the goddamn Spamalot soundtrack in the car, at Em's request, so it's not like I haven't answered a lot of those questions already. It's harder to explain the song about being doomed on Broadway 'if you don't have any Jews.' It's not like her parents don't have any openly gay friends, either.

But I let it go. I couldn't tell if the guy had a sense of humor, and I figured if I ended up taking the kids to the other side of the fence there might arise some additional questions I'm not eager to answer.


So, we did Crown Center.

Crown Center isn't really that big a mall, but it is a cool one. If you can keep Mo from eating all the crayons in the Crayola store.

Mo also had a tough time with the escalators. She got better by the time we left, but I hadn't realized how freaky they could seem. The bad part about her getting used to them is she wanted to bend down and stick fingers between the steps.



I'd rather she just stayed scared when I think about that.

So then...

Why not make it a hat trick, right?



So yeah, we did the Plaza. Or if you live outside KC, the Country Club Plaza (full name).



I use a line from a tune I heard on Dr. Demento years ago at intersections, parking lots, etc. 'Remember the golden rule, look both ways, make sure it's cool.'

The rule was from a song about dope, but it works for a musical, echolaliac kiddo who doesn't seem to fear anything, including cars. I hope.



But whatever I do, I'm pretty sure I won't see the trident I should be looking out for until after the fact.