Have I Found My 'Church Home?'

Ah, a turn on a phrase, sure to piss off everyone I know from the faithful to the anti-faithful. Oddly, for an atheist-cum-agnostic I feel the fondest attachment to the Russian Orthodox congregation I attended out of curiosity and enjoyment of the music, images and people when I was in high school. Never joined, never took communion, never denied my atheism for the two years or so I went. Sang in the choir, but they needed voices, and the music is beautiful. So if I have a church home, I suppose that'd be it.



I made this with the 'church sign generator' and my own post-doctorings. Inspired by a funny song Tim Wilson sings.

I left the Russian Orthodox because I had this notion Reagan was going to draft me and send me to, I don't know. Libya or Honduras or something. I liked Honduran cigars (still do on the rare occasion), but I wouldn't kill over them.

I went to a Friends Meeting, which is kind of the opposite of the Russian Orthodox. Orthodox Xtians are inflexible even about the wording of their liturgy. They make the Roman Cathaholics look like firebrands. The Orthodox make Southern Baptists look like comparitive Unitarians. I went to a couple of Unitarian Churches before I found out that didn't help with Consciencious Objector status, and since their services were as stimulating as reading Emmerson or taking massive doses of valium, I grooved on over to the Quakers.

The Quakers were the un-Church in so many ways. No preacher, no sermon, they didn't even face all the pews the same way. But they are violently non-violent, and Penn Valley Friends Meeting had a sign on the wall when I first walked in that said "Nicaragua is Not Our Enemy."

I was unaware that Reagan was going to also draft me to kill Nicaraguans. Like Honduras, my 18-year-old male brain mainly associated Nicaragua with hot-looking Latin girls and fine handmade cigars.

Well, Nicaragua certainly wasn't MY enemy, and damned if I was going to let Selective Service make a Nicaragua-Invader out of me!

As if the U.S. Army circa 1988 had any interest in me: physically unfit and constitutionally contrarian, if I'd volunteered, they probably would have kicked me out during Basic Training. Or I hope they would have.

The alternative being that I'd become One with the Borg. Prepare to be assimilated. We will add your biological and technological distinctives to our own. You will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile. Noooo!