The Lobster at the Beach...in Kansas

Sissy was on a sleepover, so to treat our youngest, my wife packed up cook-out makings and when I got off work we headed to what people in my town refer to as 'the lake.'

It's just a little Corps of Engineers project, not particularly large or anything, just close by. That we've lived here for eight years and had never been, I can't account for. We've traveled to further lakes for camping and fishing. Not a lot, but some. Asking for directions to it was like standing on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art and asking how to get to the Upper East Side.

So we get there, and there's this 'self pay' station at the entrance. Supposedly, even if you're not camping, you're required to have a vehicle permit to be in the park. Because it's a state park, from what I read. But the place we camp for free is a state park, we avoid the fee by camping in an area with no hookups or utilities, just fire rings, picnic tables, and outhouses.

We were just there to swim and picnic, so $6.50 seemed a lot to pay, just to 'be' in the park with a car. If I understood the signage, the only out would be to walk in from the entrance. It's not a big lake, but it's bigger than that.

They have envelopes, a form you fill out and put in this metal box that has a sign announcing that it is emptied daily. It looks anchored more firmly than an ATM, so I figured folks must be paying the $6.50. But all these cars were just driving past us while I tried to figure out if there was some loophole.

I finally decided I'd write a check, but I didn't have a pen, so I sealed the empty (and blank) envelope and put it in the box, took the stub that was supposed to show I had put an envelope in the box, and went in. Abbie Hoffman style.

But then we get to the beach area, and we couldn't see a single vehicle permit, anywhere. I got to fearing that by displaying it, we'd invite scrutiny.


The Lobster and Mo on the beach

It was hard letting my wife build the dinner fire, something I delight in, but someone had to go in the water with Mo, who could see sand and water and could scarcely be detained long enough to kick off her flip-flops. I didn't think my Frau Lobster was planning on going in. Mo is more or less a natural swimmer, she's not 100% there, you can't just let her go running in unsupervised.

The last time my wife went swimming, it was the Polar Plunge to raise money for Special Olympics.


Frau Lobster is out there by the big black wig.


And yes, the water really was this cold. I'm going in next year, I'm hoping to put together a grass skirt and coconut bra hula costume, go in as a Polynesian Bearded Lady...

So me and Mo had fun playing in the murky water. We sang about piggy-toes, and did Old McDonald as the Honkers, Dingers, Elephant Trunk and Aliens do on Sesame Street. I can trumpet my lips pretty well, and Mo still finds it thrilling and hilarious. We did 'piggybank' rides in water where she could touch the bottom if she fell off me.

Meanwhile Frau Lobster got the fire going without even using lighter fluid (impossible, but she does it), cooked the hamburgers and we ate. Well, after a fashion. I wolfed down a couple of burgers, Mo ate the patty off hers, played with some cheese and pickles, may have eaten a potato chip. My wife tried to eat a chip, tried to eat a burger, but she had three teeth pulled last Friday, in tree different quadrants, two absessed to the nerve. Pretty much everything she packed had more texture than she can manage with that many holes to avoid. She's actually getting tired of ice cream, which is one of the few things she can consistently eat. That's like me getting tired of beer.


I like going to the beach this much!

Then to my surprise, she came swimming with us after dinner. I didn't even know she had her suit with her.

And she actually tried to teach Mo some swimming technique, instead of just wading and singing goofy songs and throwing wet sand around.

The facilties turned out to be pretty nice. I went to pee before we left and instead of the oversized outhouse I expected, there was an actual bathroom complete with flushing toilets, hot and cold running watter, showers, the works.

No one ticketed our car for not having a valid vehicle pass, so I'll have to find out if all the people in town who go there so often it's just referred to as 'the lake' flaunt the law without consequence or if they pony up. Or what an annual pass runs, and where you get them.

Because it'd be worth either the $6.50 or the annual fee or the fine for flaunting the law to see the delight on my daughter's face at going to the beach.