Living History vs. Disney

So when we death-marched my kiddos up to Shoal Creek awhile back, Em got interested and volunteered.

It's strictly first Saturdays, once a month, but so far it's what she's found int he way of summer job opportunities.

I drove her up there this morning, which meant I didn't get to sleep in, but it did mean I got to take in a movie. Driving all the way to Liberty, it didn't make sense to drive home and then back out & home again.

I'm not super familiar with North of the River, the Other Johnson County. But Corinna used to live up there and she told me the Dickenson Theater up off 152 had $5 early movies, so I went to see The Lone Ranger.

I wasn't 100% on this, we went to World War Z after my cardiocath last Monday and realized we should have done Man of Steel or Monster University instead.

But Johnny Depp, Brookheimer, Helena Bonham-Carter, I thought, well...

I should have seen the large warning sign that read 'Disney' and stayed away. It's not that it wasn't entertaining, but it wasn't what it could have been.

Disney violence just doesn't work. They have a guy eat someone's heart but they wouldn't want to gross you out so they don't show it. Then, there's a train chase scene (way too long and complicated) where you know no principal characters are in any danger. If Tonto and the Lone Ranger can't be killed, there ain't much suspense no matter the improbable situations they might find themselves in.

For that matter (spoiler alert, if you're planning to see this anyway you might want to skip ahead), how can they be on the trains racing toward the bridge that's about to blow up and simultaneously be at the bottom of that bridge setting charges and lighting a fuse to blow the bridge?

So yeah, plot holes you could drive a train through.

After, I went and found Em being the school marm at the living history museum. It's a cool setup, including some tombstones that really spoke to me. I'm feeling all sorry for myself as a slow-walk around a place like this that I have to have triple bypass surgery soon, but look at the people who died at 37, 39, folks who didn't even make it as far as me.

For that matter, I would have died as a baby back then, had the croup when I was one. Not to mention the heart attack at 32, that would have been the end of the show if the croup hadn't snuffed me out.

I was passing by the Marshall's office when I heard some of the reenactors planning their next move. "What do you want to do next, Bob? Rob the bank or the store?" The response was, "Whatever you want to do."

A pseudo bloodbath ensued, lots of smoke and booms.