My Wedding Dress

I was going to buy a kilt to get married in. I always wanted one, but having one done right, by a seamstress, in the appropriate tartan for your clan, gets pricey. I found one website that does it really right, and their outfits started at around $700 and got expensive from there.

That's almost twice what I paid for my suit at the Men's Wearhouse back when I was still married to the artist formerly known as Frau Lobster. A suit I've worn for one or two friends/relatives weddings and, I think, three job interviews. It's uncomfortable, and I hope I never have to wear it again. When I die, don't dare bury me in that thing, I'll haunt you, no joke.*

So I've always wanted a kilt, but what if I hate the feeling of wind blowing up between my legs? It'd suck to pop for that kind of dough and then find out it was an outfit I only wanted to wear once.

Plus, I'm a century and a half removed from the old sod, so why should I care what tartan the McBride clan wears? I have German, Native American and I don't know what all ancestors, too. I'm hazy on whether I'm a Scottish McBride or Irish McBride—my Dad, a genealogist, says we're 'Scotch Irish' which, I think, means I'm descended of Scots duped by England into trying to pacify the Irish.

A to Z Theatrical fixed me up with an outfit that will work for less than 10% of what the authentic costume would cost to buy. If I'm really in love with the whole thing after my wedding day, maybe I'll pop for the real thing. If not, I'll at least look good (in a Braveheart sort of way, the costume rental didn't offer a form jacket as an option) on May 12.

Y'all come, by the way. We're not trying to spend big bucks on this affair, but we both love to throw parties and we both want this to be the biggest party we've ever thrown. And don't wear your suit unless you really like it.

*In case I haven't made it abundantly clear to people who count, I wish for my body to be donated to science. Whatever organs can be salvaged, I'm fine with sending them to new owners. But even better to be a medical school cadaver or have my parts used in other research. Paying to be buried or burned is silly.