The non-giant pandas...

I saw on the news where they’d had some success getting a couple of giant pandas to get their freak on in a meaningful way. This produced a very un-giant squirt of a panda cub, which will get to be 30 pounds if it lives three months or so.

This got me thinking, pandas are never just 'pandas.' It's always 'giant pandas.' What other kind are there? Non-giant pandas? Without the 'giant' qualifier, what do you have? Medium pandas? Mini pandas? Or is the cub a pre-giant panda?
Turns out, there is another type of panda, called a ‘lesser panda.’ Think of the self esteem issues that title must cause. How’d you like to always be called a lesser human? I have some experience with that, and I can tell you it sucks.

Ailurus fulgens The ‘lesser’ pandas, the un-giant type, turn out to breed well in captivity, and they give the impression of a raccoon bred with a fox, maybe some Tasmanian devil stock thrown in for bad measure.

Next time someone uses that old joke about the duck billed platypus being proof that God has a sense of humor, think about the lesser pandas. Maybe they're an indicator that God has a mean streak.

Less famous, in part because they seem willing and able to hump for the sake of their species. Most preadolescent zoophiles don’t even know about them or what they look like. The platypus or, for that matter, the moose, look more cobbled together from Dr. Seuss’ imagination. Among freaks of nature, the poor lesser pandas suffer the curse of mediocrity. I don’t think anyone eve bothers poaching them for fur – they might not even be endangered.

Okay, they're endangered according to IUCN. But it's because of timber cutting, not because anyone is clubbing them for their fur. Imagine how chic it would be to have an animal rights activist spit on you for wearing a Lesser Panda Stole!

They only get about 42 inches long, which would be fairly big as house pets go, though not really giant. I've had dogs bigger that that, including a dog that really seemed like a giant if you let her jump on the furniture.

Oh, and the non-giant panda eats mainly bamboo, just like the giant kind. They eat acorns, roots, rodents, birds, etc. But mainly they eat bamboo. They can't digest wood fiber, but instead of getting smart and not eating wood (my personal strategy), they eat tons of bamboo.

Rodent of unusual size or weird bear, I can't be sure which it is. I think the main function of the 'lesser' panda is to pump up the ego of the 'giant' pandas. Or maybe its China's attempt to come up with a rival product for the raccoon...