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Monday, August 08, 2016

Trashboat Regatta VII

I wasn't going to float the Regatta this year. What with planning the Post Modern Pentathlon, extra hours at work because it's an election year, building a boat just didn't seem to be in the cards. Plus, I did it last year so I reasoned it was Corinna's turn, I'd hang with Mo and take pictures. I'd arranged for the following weekend to be my bachelor weekend on account of aforementioned Pentathlon.

So then Corinna dug out the hot tub lid that has been down the river so many times now (it wasn't part of H.M.S. Charlie Foxtrot last year, but it was part of Safety Third, H.M.S. Detour, H.M.S. Road Closed, and the unnamed first boat we went down that was the trashboat analog to those massive cargo ships that made them build a new Panama Canal.

Corinna hauled the boat to Kaw Point with her bike, and me and Mo went there by car, floated the river and Corinna picked us up after. A team effort, she wasn't feeling up to the float, I wasn't feeling like towing a barge with my bike, and Mo was definitely keen on floating the river.

Mo answers no to pretty much every option we give her for activities. Going to the movies, getting a Sprite, these are exceptions to the rule, but generally she's a No Nelly across the board except for watching YouTube on her tablet. So imagine my surprise when we were tucking her in on Saturday and asked if she wanted to float the Trashboat Regatta. She'd done so two years ago, and it must have been a positive experience because she answered with a resounding 'Oh yay yay!' At that point, I couldn't not go.

So go we did. I bought a half a case of Sprite to go with a few PBRs in the cooler on board ship and off we went. Well, everyone left all of a sudden, even before Michelle said go, and we scrambled down and got in the water to demonstrate the power of Slow.

This is not the first time the trashboat I'm on has been DFL, not the first time it's been the slowest craft on the water. I don't know why, it seems like we're all on the same current but the rest of the boats just drop me like a bad habit.

I guess I'm extra glad the route got reset to Kaw Point to the park right past Pile of Debris Casino. Michelle had, for entirely sensible reasons, planned to have us put in on the Kaw at 7th Street and pull out at Kaw Point. Sensible, for sure, but compared to the Missouri, the Kansas River speaks in quarter inches. And given how slow I seem to float on the fast, dredged Missouri, I might still be 100 yards downstream from 7th Street if that launch hadn't been, in Michelle's words, locked up tighter than the Seventh Seal.

There are definitely dangers to the Missouri. You want to keep between the bridge supports, getting pinned against one of those is a Mistake. And getting over to the edge for the pull out, you need to plan ahead on that shit. But other than that, it's relatively tame for the stretch we float. And there are two jet boats full of firefighters just dying for something interesting to do like save your ass.

Friends on bikes followed us down the river as usual. And as usual, I had to call out to them, where is your boat? You can't be too broke to float the Trashboat Regatta, the rules say you can't spend over $100 and most of us are way, way under budget.

Lots of stuff people throw away is perfectly buoyant. And just ask my kiddo, there's not much more fun things to do of a Sunday afternoon than to float on some trash down the Muddy Mo.

Michelle did promise that the trophies would 'blow.' But I like mine. I liked mine last year, too, it's proudly displayed on my desk at work. This year's has the bonus that it included a bottle of Two Buck Chuck cab sauv. I'm not a big wine drinker, but when I do drink wine I like big, dry reds and this is one of those.

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