Sucking..Hard

If I say something sucks and Em agrees, she'll add the modifier, saying 'It sucks hard.' This is amazingly cute in a ten-year-old.

One of the things that sucks hard is housekeeping that's been neglected. My brother brought his shop-vac over last week and we kicked ass on my house for a few hours. His shop-vac made me realize how pathetic the one in my garage is. In fairness, it was free. It has a tiny motor, small capacity and a busted coaster. I didn't even see any as wimpy as it for sale at Home Depot. But I did see monsters like my brother's, and since it had done such a great job on a variety of tasks, I decided to pop for one. They're not expensive, I found a five horsepower 12-gallon model for a little over fifty bucks. It's big enough to hold the entirety of its underpowered predecessor.

Yes, it sucks hard.

I was using it in the bedroom, figuring I'd get a bunch of dog hair and other detritis up, and suck the toothpaste caps out of the drain in the bathroom sink back there (yes, the drain was clogged with toothpaste caps, kids can be so charming). I was still kind of getting my sea legs with it, seeing what it would and wouldn't pick up.

I did not mean to suck up a pair of underwear. Really.

But I underestimated what five horses sucking hard can do. What they can do is suck up a pair of extra large men's boxers. What they don't seem to be able to do is deliver them to either end of the ribbed hose. I tried both the blower and the vacuum ports, and they're not moving. The hose is long enough a broom stick wouldn't push them out, which was the longest thing I could find in the appropriate diameter. No luck snagging them with a coathanger either.

So until I find something to dislodge the shorts, my big new shop-vac is pretty much useless. Talk about sucking hard.