Birthday Party

So my nephew turned six a week ago and I just got around to going through the photos. I was struggling with exposure compensation, missed a lot of shots, but I got a few. At least the speed light cures his blurriness. According to the photographic record, my nephew was very, very blurry until last August when I bought a pair of SB-800s.

I was pleasantly surprised by Em and her fiancé attending. I figured she'd be at work but her schedule has changed. Even more pleasantly surprised that their wedding plans have been revised to a more sensible expenditure. Last I'd heard they were planning on a pretty pricey affair, and they're not asking me to pay for it so not my place to judge, but spending big on weddings just doesn't make sense in my opinion.

Don't get me wrong, weddings are a blast. And I make my living in part off people's lack of perspective when it comes to wedding budgets. But I was like, If you can save that kind of money between now and October, awesome. But that'd be a down payment on a house, or a new car note paid off.

Of course they were about as interested in my advice as I was in my parents' advice when I was their age. To me, the wedding is about making a public declaration: We're in this together. And that's a big deal, and it should be celebrated, absolutely. But you're not more committed to making a go of it if you spend thirty times more on what amounts to a party. Long term, not having your household budget tight as a drum because you're struggling with your spendy ways is worth a lot more than pictures of you and your friends dressed to the nines proving you have no business being within 500 feet of a dance floor.

That's coming from someone who had a spendy wedding paid for by the parents, who returned from the honeymoon to a disconnected phone. I may not totally live the Dave Ramsey thing, but dude, the financial stress I've weathered, the corners I've painted myself into, I'm obviously a Slow Learner. But having learned at least a little, I hope my offspring can learn from my mistakes.

Gawd but I got off subject there, this is a post about my nephew's birthday. He's super awesome fun and I love the little dude. Can't wait to go flying rockets with him again.

I Can See My House from Here

Google Earth can be interesting. The streetview for my house still shows my wife's former roommate's car in the driveway, so it's at least five years since the Google bug with the camera on top drove by. But the satellite has been by since October, when I polka-dotted my car. Judging from the garden beds, I'd say it was after the beginning of March, when Corinna planted a bunch of stuff under row cover.

I think the Google satellite shot even shows how the dots have faded. I made a mistake ordering from Discount Labels. They're cheaper than Gill Studios, the other option, but you get what you pay for. When they faded so fast, I called to complain and was told pinks and reds fade fast. I'm like, bullshit, I see Clinton/Gore stickers on cars that are still red and blue, I just put the dots on in October and they're already almost white. I paid extra for a Pantone match to get PMS215 and it's gone.

I was like, these are 5" diameter bumper stickers, why would you not use UV inks? That would be a custom order, I was told, more expensive and so on. I bet Gill's higher price reflects that they'd use UV inks by default on anything called a bumper sticker (as they should). The best I could get out of Discount was a box of 250 red 5" labels printed with shitty ink that will fade to pink before eventually being white like my pink dots now are.

So Discount Labels did their best to make it right, but sometimes your best just isn't good enough, I'll never buy from them again.

May 2016 Critical Mass

I didn't ride Critical Mass this time, I wasn't up to it. I thought at first it was food poisoning, but that's usually over pretty quick. So it was something else. Something where you don't want to be too far from a toilet.

But I'd made some spoke cards, and I'd brought my bike to work on my car in case I was up to it, so of course I want to the tailgate portion.

My friend Vance showed up, I think it was his first Critical Mass. He seemed surprised by a lot of elements of it. I'm like, you know organized bike rides, we met on an organized ride. This is an organized ride's perfect opposite. No set route, we go where the guy up front goes unless someone decides not to follow him. It's half party, have parade, half protest, half not that good at fractions.

Oh, yeah, and most organized rides, there's only drinking after. Critical Mass tends to be a fairly wet event before, during and after.

And the only place I think I've ever seen more varieties of bikes come together for an event was RAGBRAI. BMX, tall bikes, fat bikes, time trial bikes, mountain bikes, roadie bikes, touring bikes, shitty bikes, chopper bikes, foldable bikes, etc.

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The weather had seemed a little dodgy to folks who don't ride in the rain so that suppressed turnout a bit. But I still managed to run out of spoke cards, and I brought over 100 of them.

Cupcake Smasher was there, and of course David was (good thing since the primary spoke card I'd made was basically a David themed farewell.

Vance was back at his car pretty quick after they finally took off. Said he was overbooked for the weekend and thought this was like a one hour commitment, then spent an hour waiting for anyone to go ride bikes. Fair enough. Or maybe it was more anarchy than he's comfortable with, I can respect that. Before I experienced Critical Mass, it sounded like an all round bad idea.

But I'm hooked. So hooked that even with the illness issues I already shared TMI about, I was there with my riding shorts, helmet and bike hoping to go. Except my body was giving me unequivocal votes against doing any such thing.

I think the tailgate lasted longer than usual, but I think that was because everyone was so relieved that the rain had let up. It's been like a monsoon season here, and while it's not that unpleasant when it's warm, riding in the rain, standing around in it is another matter. And it's a hassle trying to keep your electronics dry (my iPhone 6s Plus, for instance, see also my Nikon D7000 these shots were taken with).

But all around it was a good time. I wish I could have gone along, I try never to miss it (I think December was the last one I didn't ride, and November was the last time I didn't at least stop by to say hey).

Bespoke: A Review

I didn't ride Critical Mass tonight but I did hand out spoke cards and take pictures. I don't always make Mass but I think me and Mo stopped in by car for the Christmas night one, I think maybe I missed November last year. Other than that I think I've made them all.

Since January I've also been faithful, even more faithful really, about making spoke cards to commemorate the ride. And a couple beyond that. January was Milk & Cheese (dairy products gone bad) themed. Then February was a kind of Hail Hydra thing.

They're not always brilliant, okay? But they are always well received. I've flush laminated a few and they hold up better than I expected (the edge lets water in, an issue if you're a bike commuter who gets caught riding in the rain regularly).

But classically spoke cards are black & white copies on Astrobright construction paper laminated on a kitchen table with contact paper. And my cards are generally full color, two sided, with 5 mil laminate. Because I'm a graphic designer in an awesome print shop, and because that's how I roll.

It's not all fun and games, either. Critical Mass regular and all round great guy Anthony Saluto was killed violently by a motorist who crossed two lanes into the wrong direction of a four lane street in early April. It's the end of May and there's still ben no release of a name, no charges, for all we know the motherfucker who hit Anthony and then drove into a light pole hard enough to shatter it (a block later) is still driving around. Jean Peters Baker's office (Jackson County Prosecutor), they don't seem inspired by the case at all, and when I called a few weeks after it happened I was told the police hadn't sent the case over, were probably waiting on toxicology. Which makes me wonder if it's the mayor's son or something, because when a cop gets shot, they have capital murder charges filed the next day, and apparently when a cyclist is murdered, everyone is supposed to sit on their hands for a couple of months and think this is normal and acceptable.

Oh but back to the fun and games (malfeasance and corruption is really a whole other post), I was struggling with a theme for this month's spoke card. Then my friend Luke asked me if I was going to do a David Dye spoke card since he's absconding from Kansas City and going to Seattle. Well, don't mind if I do!



David loves his Hamm's beer, I think because the Hamm's bear was his father (look at the pictures, the familial resemblance is impossible to deny). And a friend of a friend was able to provide me with a picture of him guzzling a Hamm's at a Holi (which, according to my research, which David says is bullshit, is a no alcoholic event). And since he's going to Seattle, he must be going to bring back grunge, spread the Starbucks gospel (after three years of working for a Starbucks ex-pat), etc. I'm sure I missed plenty of Seattle based jokes and chances to make fun of the guy, but I'm pretty happy with the result.

As I have the past few months I made the back of my Critical Mass spoke card a promotion for the Post Modern Pentathlon, an event I still need to iron out some specifics on, but it will be in midtown, it will involve riding a bike unknown to you (a B-Cycle), shooting (paintball, darts, disc golf), probably a toaster thrown for distance, bonus points for track-standing a B-Cycle. It will be fun.

Like I say, not all the spoke cards I've come up with in this fecund period are Critical Mass cards. Witness 'Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick! Everyone knows the burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground. Why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl anyway?' (a sort of tribute to the Dead Milkmen).

Or my General Strike one from this evening. I swear, if my demands aren't met by the end of Monday, I'll make everyone stay out of work again on Tuesday. I will bring this nation to its knees if that's what it takes!