Playing the Tard Card

My late daughter Molly had Special Needs (specifically a severe form of autism, functionally nonverbal, with a bonus serving of seizures).

When you have a kid who rides the short bus to school, you end up knowing the other families, so I knew a lot of parents dealing with the same sort of things. And you end up, as a parent, having to be an advocate for your child, ask for accommodations when necessary, that sort of thing.

I was on a date one time with the mother of an autistic girl, so naturally we had lots to talk about on that front.

Like Molly hated the 'sensory friendly' movie screenings. These were showings of family films where they left the house lights up and encouraged the kiddos to just do their thing. Molly knew the protocol for a theater, and despite how obstinant she could be about babbling on, that kid just sat down and shut up for the most part. Seeing other kids violate the rules of the theater only stressed Molly out. She was like, Dude, I'm the one everyone talks about right in front of me, and I know how to act in here. Get it together!

My date was an advocate of making all your matinee family film screenings be in the supposedly spectrum friendly rules and lighting. She felt all kids needed to be free to squirm and speak and not sit like little zombies. I was like I'd end up taking Molly strictly to R rated movies because the matinees would drive her to distraction with all their autism-friendliness.

But she had a great line about what she felt when advocating for things like this for her daughter. Asking, can we not kill the house lights because my kid has sensory issues, asking for acommodations of any kind because of your kids' special needs, was "playing the Tard Card."

I know, we're not supposed ot say the R word, but in this case I think it's both hilarious and a little justified in terms of, that is how people react to such requests. Most of the special ed parents, whether they wanted the same exact things for their kids or not, at least understand that you're not asking to be a pain in the ass, our kids really are different and they deserve to have a positive experience just like everyone else. It's to the oblivious ones, the families whose kids all pass for neurotypical, because you can get someone to quit saying a word, the R word, the N word, whatever slur you want to target.

But just because they don't say it out loud, doesn't mean they don't think it. I'm glad Molly was a good movie companion, there were things I couldn't take her to do because of her limitations. For years I kept an AMC Stubs membership for each of us, and Saturdays meant Daddy and Mo go to a movie. For a good five to seven years we saw every major release with a few exceptions.

Straight up dramas didn't work for Molly. She loved slapstick, action, horror, everything that didn't focus on deep interpersonal interactions. Office politics, straight romance, blech! But if shit's getting blown up or threatening the entire world, she was all about it.